Tis Blessed To Receive
By Nancy M. Wood
Most likely, you have heard Jesus’ words, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” (Acts 20:35). Or perhaps you are more familiar with the statement, “Good will come to him who is generous” (Ps. 112:7). The Bible is full of quotations regarding the importance of giving and we are well advised to live by those principles. However, we really cheat ourselves if we stop at that and overlook the opportunities afforded by the blessedness of also learning to receive.
The large number of Biblical statements about giving is not intended to preclude the joy of being receptive, but rather to get us to create a healthy sense of balance and perspective of these two elements of living. Imagine a football team that has a great center and quarterback to get the ball moving, but is missing backs and ends to receive the ball and run it to the goal. It would be very hard to play the game that way.
Let’s take a look at this balancing act between giving and receiving and see how it really plays out in our lives.
First of all: Believe You are Deserving
You are a wonderful person! Would God have created a “lemon?” There is no lemon law on God’s creation! It is not needed. Granted, all of us are faced with challenges and all of us have fallen short of God’s will for us. But we are selling God short if we think we have lost God’s love and therefore deserve nothing good in our lives. Our God is a loving Parent who wants nothing but the best for us. For example, you may have heard some people quoting Bible verses which indicate that God hates divorce. Well, as a divorced person myself, I can honestly say that I hate divorce and can certainly believe that God, my eternal Parent, did not want me to suffer the pain of that event in my life. But, does that mean that I no longer deserve God’s love? Most emphatically-NO! God hates divorce-we all hate divorce-but God will always love us! Give yourself a break. Whatever you have done that you’re not proud of, seek forgiveness (from God and yourself) and then go on living. Whatever walls you have erected to block good things from coming into your life, get rid of them. You deserve the best!
Secondly: Ask for What You Need
In the Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 7:7-8), Jesus said, “Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.” So, if you can accept the premise that you are deserving of God’s blessings and the good things life holds in store through relationships, work, family, church, etc., let’s see if you can go one step further and learn to ask for help when you need it.
After my divorce, I became quite reclusive, believing that I was unlovable, unattractive and unwanted by anyone. Through the help of friends and lots of reading of the Bible and other resources, I finally came out of that selfish, “’ego-bashing period” and began to regain some self-esteem (the “I deserve better than this” period).
At that point I began to “advertise” by telling friends that I was ready to meet new people and to begin dating again. I actively asked for their help. They were quite amused at the change in me and gladly started introducing me to other acquaintances of theirs. Within a few months, I met my current husband, Sterling, on a blind date. It was quite apparent that asking for help was a great alternative to sitting home feeling like a failure. Whatever it is that you want or need to enrich your life, remember you “deserve better than this,” so go ahead and ask!
Be Ready to Accept the Gifts You are Offered.
For many people, the hardest step of all is actually being able
to receive. A typical example is the woman who, when offered a
compliment on her outfit, goes into a dissertation on how old
it is and how she thinks it is too short, too tight, too ... whatever!
How hard it is sometimes to simply say, “thank you.”
This can apply to so many things in our lives such as God’s
love, gifts from friends or family, compassion in times of loss
or need and forgiveness when we have not been “on our best
behavior.” Learning to accept these and others of life’s
basic blessings is clearly a path to finding the joy that we were
promised by Jesus.
Nancy Wood, Orlando, FL, is a United Methodist Diaconal Minister working as a speaker, writer and consultant in Single Adult Ministries and related areas.
What You See, May Not Be What You Get
By Mark Taylor
A few years ago, an eighteen year-old neighbor bought a used car. It had a beautiful paint job. At first it was his pride and joy. But when I saw him a few weeks later, he he was riding a bicycle. His joy was gone along with the car.He had brought the car at Honest Sid's Car Lot. (Not the real name). Sid's had a big selection of attractive cars. The salespeople seemed honest, well-dressed, and friendly. Within a few weeks, though, the car started to fall apart. The bottom was badly rusted. He tried to get his money back, but the once- friendly salesman would not help. My neighbor learned a costly lesson. You can’t trust initial appearances.
It may be a crude analogy, but we see the same misplaced trust in dating. When dating, some Christians will naively trust a stranger instead of using discernment and reasonable caution. We offer a few tips to help you avoid the “Sid's treatment” when dating. Some may be obvious, but are often overlooked. We recommend a reasonable caution, while avoiding the jaded attitude that “they’re all no good.” There are a wide variety of people out there. Many who are good and trustworthy,
but some who are very wacky or even dangerous.
1. The exterior of the person doesn’t tell you what’s going on inside. Just because a person dresses nicely, has a great job, or is active in church does not mean that they cannot have major problems.
2. Don’t place too much faith on a label or status. A person can be a Christian and still have big problems. When a person becomes a Christian, their sins are forgiven. Some of us naively assume that means that they will not sin again, at least in a major way. While Christians can and do change their lifestyles, the old sinful nature can reassert itself. The same is true even if the person holds a position of responsibility or leadership in the church.
3. What people say and claim can be different from what they do. The salesman at the car lot gave the impression of being a friend who would not lie. But talk is cheap.
Year’s ago I knew a fellow who was a lady’s man. If he met a woman who was a Communist, he told her about his interest in Communism. (Wouldn’t she date him so he could learn more?) The next week he might meet a Buddhist and tell her he was ready to convert to Buddhism. The following week, he might transform into a conservative Republican to gain the
confidence of the next woman. I’ve heard non-Christian men tell Christian women that they want to seek Christ. But they may only be seeking a date. Dating evangelism is a risky business.
4. Don’t let a seemingly safe location fool you. My neighbor may have assumed he could trust Honest Sid’s because it looked respectable. Some people assume that a person must be a safe if they go to church or a Christian dance. While most Christians are generally good people, you shouldn’t be naive. Being saved is not the same as living righteously.
5. Don’t rush into anything. If my neighbor had taken the time to examine the car, he would have saved a lot of grief. Take time to get to know the person in safe surroundings. Make the first few meetings public places like coffee shops or your church group. (Maybe invite them to join you and the group for lunch after church). Bring your own car so you don’t have to depend on them for a ride. (What did your Mom say about accepting rides from strangers?) Try to find out if they share
your values and what is important to them. From a safety standpoint, don’t give your address or maybe even phone number until you get to know them.
6. My neighbor would have benefited by getting his mechanic’s opinion. Similarly, it can help to ask friends for their impressions especially if they are more experienced and wiser. Also if there is a problem, your friends may have heard about it.
7. Our suggestion is to use caution but not a black or white mentality. Everyone has some problems or imperfections. Unfortunately, some Christians divide people into two categories; the good Christians who do everything right, and the evil, phony people who probably aren’t Christians. We all sin. One question to ask yourself is how could the other person’s weakness affect you. One potential date may have an uncontrollable drinking or lust problem. You want to scratch that person off your list. The next person may instead have a problem with watching too much TV. That may be something you can deal with.
8. The difficult job of deciding who to date rests with you. Don’t assume that your pastor, group leader, or the coordinators of an event can screen people for you. Maybe they can weed out a few, but they can’t check everyone. They don’t have the time or the resources. They aren’t running a dating service. They don’t hire detectives to do background checks. Your job is to be mature and discerning.
Over the years, we’ve seen many Christian singles meet and date. Sometimes great friendships have resulted or marriages. We’ve also heard of many cases, though, where Christians dated the wrong people. Our prayers are that as you become wiser and more discerning, your experiences will be a happier and bring results closer to those that you and God are seeking.
